Friday, August 13, 2010
And as the telling signs of aging brings the eldest desperate call, she hides with her the roses of tomorrow and the most fatal cut of all. Her sorrow overwhelms the dark as evil does recall, beckoning memories of ages past and times of joy and peace for all. Yet as dawn breaks through the misty morn, wrought with sorrow, bleak and gray, she sings a song anew again, the pain has gone away, and nothing can replace this moment, she will never fall astray, for when the twilight comes tomorrow long gone this girl must be, forever lost amidst the storms of memories now gone today.
Monday, July 19, 2010
His face is drawn, cheeks hallowed out from years of hunger and suffering, his eyes, which were once soft and innocent, have long ago lost their luster for life and love for anything. His body pulses with muscle and anger, dyed hair hidden with a hat or gleaming in the sunlight, as he sings and yells about everything wrong with the world. I wonder, has anyone ever seen him smile? This man's mouth seems to be frozen into a frown, even when everyone else is smiling and laughing, he seems to fade into the background, as if he prefers it this way, as if he doesn't ever want to talk to someone. How can it be that the whole world knows his name, but he seems so lonely? He has everything this world says he needs, but I don't ever want to end up like him, miserable and alone, bitter and always wanting. His own daughters are all that he loves in this life, and nothing and no one else. Because all the money in the world can't buy happiness, no matter what they say. A dozen f words scatter across each song he produces, and each one only comes out angrier than the last. Will it ever get any better for him? I pray for him. Even though my opinion will never matter to this man, who seems to have everything, yet acts as though he has nothing. No matter how much influence I end up amassing, it will probably never compare to all he has built up in the years since his first words were heard. I pray someday his eyes will be opened, because he can gain the whole world, but if he loses his soul, he will die with the rest.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Your eyes tell of pain as they fill up with tears of cold liquid, falling like crystals to the ground. It seems as though no one can relate to you, as if everything you've been through has been so terrible, you've been alone for so long... this feeling, this awful feeling filling up your very being, making you nauseous, vomiting until there is nothing left to get rid of. Now everything is gone, black, gone and never present. This is madness, trying to be perfect, doing everything you can think of to be good enough for... someone. Everyone. Anyone. But nothing you do is good enough. So tired of hunger constantly gnawing at your insides, puking and running, and trying to forget... But nothing works. You have become desperate, will do anything to change, to be someone else, but no matter what, you will always be you. Even if you hate every second of it, nothing will change. Giving up, fainting, falling, waiting for someone to come and save you. But no one comes. Waiting, watching, but no one ever comes. You are forced to come back up, climbing, slowly, painfully, grudgingly, because inside you truly just want to give up. Because the pain has become too much, and you can no longer take it. The festering wound that eats your insides and rakes at your mind, that erupts in your soul and breaks apart your heart, it won't go away. Is this your fault? You ask. The answer to this question, it seems, everyone else knows, but not you. Yet it never goes away, this bleeding wound, overflowing organs with pulsating blood growing up hatred in your heart. You go to school, but it seems no one knows u exist, despite all your efforts to be seen, to be heard, to be noticed, by someone, anyone. But no one ever sees you, and all the pain that is waiting to burst out, and one day, you know, you will snap. Maybe then people will see you, what is left to be seen, but it will only be remnants of a person, carried away like dust in the wind. Darkness surrounds and shrouds, covering, overwhelming what little light you have let in. It will come soon, the end, you hope. But it doesn't, just as no one notices you, and all the suffering searing and tearing, burning and biting, clawing and choking. Night seems ever present, and it won't leave, for you soul is now used to this darkness, perhaps your soul itself is now black and dead, the way you feel inside. Is there any hope? You ask. The answer to this even I do not know.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Amongst the brokeness and sorrow dwells the root of all, the catalyst, the antidote, the cure, the new life that leads to understanding and forgiveness. Because no one understands what happened, what continues to take place, how this feels, and what it's like living with it, day after day, month after month, year after year. Underneath the surface of what appears a perfect life, a flawless exterior, a perfect personality, lies what she hopes will never see the light of day. Never having dealt with something close to what has taken place, everyone watches, stares, observes, judges, yet none take the time to understand or talk, they simply stand by, then go on with their own lives. In the darkest corners of her soul hides emotion and confusion, nothingness and pain, hurt and loss, sorrow and attempted forgiveness. Because time heals no wounds, they are still as deep and as fresh as the day she discovered them, and no one understands. Because this world is cruel and heartless, it stole something they could never replace, something irrevocably important, something precious and adored. Because she would always blame herself, because nothing has ever helped, because underneath the seemingly flawless exterior dwells chaos, stabbing and stripping her insides as day after day it rips apart her heart, leaving nothing to use in defense. Bleeding, running, staring, secrets, hatred, confusion, love, understanding, forgiveness, judgement. Does anyone even care? Have they simply forgotten what happened? They say, don't tell anyone, they can't know, keep it to yourself, hide it away, never to be discovered or truly dealt with... Feels like her heart is breaking apart, while everyone watches and doesn't understand or care, soul exploding, crashing, falling in pieces everywhere, crashing violently to the bottom of her heart, laying upon a cold stone floor, rotting and expiring, choking, strangling, suffocating, murder wrought upon everything she holds close, never being able to tell or help, holding everything in, because no one knows, no one can understand... What will happen to this girl, so broken and left behind in the dust of the past, while everyone goes on, never glancing back, she lies dying upon the cold ground, breath labored, heart barely beating, waiting, but no one comes, because no one cares, no one understands....
Before everything went astray, before he broke your heart, before all was laid to rest, and your feelings passed the test, when life was normal and nothing could ever break you, but now you lay on the cold stone floor, wasting away as life goes on for others, leaving this girl behind, like a forgotten black sky on a summer's night, storm moving east, but she can't catch it, rain falls, day breaks, night prevails, and your heart still lays in pieces upon the watery ground. Beautiful and hideous, graceful and glorious, forgotten and wounded, what will happen to this girl, who doesn't recognize her own reflection in the mirror, gleaming with jealous hatred, shiny and delicate, she is so beautiful, so indescribable, unfathomable and broken, forever broken amidst heart wrenching darkness and a night too bleak to see.
She sits upon the stone stairs, eyes gleaming with tears, hair glossy in the moonlight, weeping in the midst of all her sorrow, thoughts drenched with everything from her past, her forbidden, forgotten past. Night continues to overwhelm her, washing against her porcelain skin, drowning her mind, suffocating, forgetting to remember, remembering to forget, and now all is burning up, fire extinguishing water in this cold world she created in her soul, her demented, dark, lonely soul. She is forever alone, forever broken, but she will never believe this, she cries out, her wounded voice crashing against a hallow wall of rock, drops of shivering liquid fall upon her tear stained face, so broken, so sad, so alone. Only her own mind to keep company as water and fire consume, she screams in pain, the flames and waves burning, drowning, crashing, devouring, without an afterthought of regret or sorrow, like him, her own flesh and blood, who came and destroyed and murdered and wounded and ran away, uncaring and unheeded. She asks herself how he could do it, but no answer ever comes, and she is left to wallow in silent misery, alone and forever broken, while midnight rain patters against the ground, and that voice inside her head torments, tearing, breaking, calling, calling to her, take it, pull the trigger, because no one cares, no one is here, blow yourself away, you are so alone, and always will be. She dares to fight back, never knowing how to express all the sorrow inside, except to forever wear black, emotionless and weary, unguarded and unhearing, she walks a lonely road at night, so no one sees her fight, one this girl cannot win, one she knows will break apart her heart, finally and permanently, forever broken.
Monday, June 21, 2010
I stood staring, unable to move my gaze from the boy's eyes, those sapphire globes, gleaming in the light of the mall stores. Haunting they were, and completely rare. I ran out of words to describe just his eyes. The rest of him seemed almost normal, natural, and average. He was very slender, and tallish, with tanned skin and tight jeans. The rest of his face held uncertainty, as if all his life someone had beaten into him that he wasn't worth their time. Who would do such a thing, I did not know, and could never understand. He was different, that much was certain, yet if I hadn't stopped that day and looked across to the store across the way, I never would have noticed the boy leaning casually against the wall, staring a hole into the floor, sometimes glancing up, as if expecting someone. Seemingly alone, yet not lonely, as if he knew he was okay on his own, that he didn't need a group of friends as a security blanket around him. I admired this, as I continued to stare, even as Ana held up a shirt for me to try on. He was beautiful, simply, that was the closest I ever came to describing him. Even now, weeks later, I hope to see him again, somewhere. I wonder what his name is, and what his story is, and why those unfathomable eyes held such sorrow and sadness. His mouth appeared so ready to smile, yet could have morphed into a frown just as easily. I had never seen anyone like him, and now I found myself wishing I possessed the talent to draw, because then words wouldn't matter, and I could show people the picture, and perhaps someone would know him, and I could meet this boy. I have blue eyes, but not nearly as dark and mysterious as his. He had dark hair, but not very dark, like a field after just being sewn, then drenched with rain. If this boy had a girlfriend, she was lucky, luckier than she would ever know. Because just by looking at him, I could tell so much about this boy. He seemed guarded, but his eyes betrayed more than he knew. Those eyes, those beautiful, glowing, sapphire spheres of ocean, they won't let me forget...