Monday, June 28, 2010
Amongst the brokeness and sorrow dwells the root of all, the catalyst, the antidote, the cure, the new life that leads to understanding and forgiveness. Because no one understands what happened, what continues to take place, how this feels, and what it's like living with it, day after day, month after month, year after year. Underneath the surface of what appears a perfect life, a flawless exterior, a perfect personality, lies what she hopes will never see the light of day. Never having dealt with something close to what has taken place, everyone watches, stares, observes, judges, yet none take the time to understand or talk, they simply stand by, then go on with their own lives. In the darkest corners of her soul hides emotion and confusion, nothingness and pain, hurt and loss, sorrow and attempted forgiveness. Because time heals no wounds, they are still as deep and as fresh as the day she discovered them, and no one understands. Because this world is cruel and heartless, it stole something they could never replace, something irrevocably important, something precious and adored. Because she would always blame herself, because nothing has ever helped, because underneath the seemingly flawless exterior dwells chaos, stabbing and stripping her insides as day after day it rips apart her heart, leaving nothing to use in defense. Bleeding, running, staring, secrets, hatred, confusion, love, understanding, forgiveness, judgement. Does anyone even care? Have they simply forgotten what happened? They say, don't tell anyone, they can't know, keep it to yourself, hide it away, never to be discovered or truly dealt with... Feels like her heart is breaking apart, while everyone watches and doesn't understand or care, soul exploding, crashing, falling in pieces everywhere, crashing violently to the bottom of her heart, laying upon a cold stone floor, rotting and expiring, choking, strangling, suffocating, murder wrought upon everything she holds close, never being able to tell or help, holding everything in, because no one knows, no one can understand... What will happen to this girl, so broken and left behind in the dust of the past, while everyone goes on, never glancing back, she lies dying upon the cold ground, breath labored, heart barely beating, waiting, but no one comes, because no one cares, no one understands....
Before everything went astray, before he broke your heart, before all was laid to rest, and your feelings passed the test, when life was normal and nothing could ever break you, but now you lay on the cold stone floor, wasting away as life goes on for others, leaving this girl behind, like a forgotten black sky on a summer's night, storm moving east, but she can't catch it, rain falls, day breaks, night prevails, and your heart still lays in pieces upon the watery ground. Beautiful and hideous, graceful and glorious, forgotten and wounded, what will happen to this girl, who doesn't recognize her own reflection in the mirror, gleaming with jealous hatred, shiny and delicate, she is so beautiful, so indescribable, unfathomable and broken, forever broken amidst heart wrenching darkness and a night too bleak to see.
She sits upon the stone stairs, eyes gleaming with tears, hair glossy in the moonlight, weeping in the midst of all her sorrow, thoughts drenched with everything from her past, her forbidden, forgotten past. Night continues to overwhelm her, washing against her porcelain skin, drowning her mind, suffocating, forgetting to remember, remembering to forget, and now all is burning up, fire extinguishing water in this cold world she created in her soul, her demented, dark, lonely soul. She is forever alone, forever broken, but she will never believe this, she cries out, her wounded voice crashing against a hallow wall of rock, drops of shivering liquid fall upon her tear stained face, so broken, so sad, so alone. Only her own mind to keep company as water and fire consume, she screams in pain, the flames and waves burning, drowning, crashing, devouring, without an afterthought of regret or sorrow, like him, her own flesh and blood, who came and destroyed and murdered and wounded and ran away, uncaring and unheeded. She asks herself how he could do it, but no answer ever comes, and she is left to wallow in silent misery, alone and forever broken, while midnight rain patters against the ground, and that voice inside her head torments, tearing, breaking, calling, calling to her, take it, pull the trigger, because no one cares, no one is here, blow yourself away, you are so alone, and always will be. She dares to fight back, never knowing how to express all the sorrow inside, except to forever wear black, emotionless and weary, unguarded and unhearing, she walks a lonely road at night, so no one sees her fight, one this girl cannot win, one she knows will break apart her heart, finally and permanently, forever broken.
Monday, June 21, 2010
I stood staring, unable to move my gaze from the boy's eyes, those sapphire globes, gleaming in the light of the mall stores. Haunting they were, and completely rare. I ran out of words to describe just his eyes. The rest of him seemed almost normal, natural, and average. He was very slender, and tallish, with tanned skin and tight jeans. The rest of his face held uncertainty, as if all his life someone had beaten into him that he wasn't worth their time. Who would do such a thing, I did not know, and could never understand. He was different, that much was certain, yet if I hadn't stopped that day and looked across to the store across the way, I never would have noticed the boy leaning casually against the wall, staring a hole into the floor, sometimes glancing up, as if expecting someone. Seemingly alone, yet not lonely, as if he knew he was okay on his own, that he didn't need a group of friends as a security blanket around him. I admired this, as I continued to stare, even as Ana held up a shirt for me to try on. He was beautiful, simply, that was the closest I ever came to describing him. Even now, weeks later, I hope to see him again, somewhere. I wonder what his name is, and what his story is, and why those unfathomable eyes held such sorrow and sadness. His mouth appeared so ready to smile, yet could have morphed into a frown just as easily. I had never seen anyone like him, and now I found myself wishing I possessed the talent to draw, because then words wouldn't matter, and I could show people the picture, and perhaps someone would know him, and I could meet this boy. I have blue eyes, but not nearly as dark and mysterious as his. He had dark hair, but not very dark, like a field after just being sewn, then drenched with rain. If this boy had a girlfriend, she was lucky, luckier than she would ever know. Because just by looking at him, I could tell so much about this boy. He seemed guarded, but his eyes betrayed more than he knew. Those eyes, those beautiful, glowing, sapphire spheres of ocean, they won't let me forget...
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Big Ben chimed mournfully in the distance, indicating that it was time. I grabbed the basket and rushed to the entrance of the gardens, not knowing what might happen. One thing was certain- nothing would come between me and Crimson. The night smelled sweetly of the freshly picked roses I held in my arms and the home made bread contained in the basket I was carrying. As I ran down the alley-way, a gust of wind swept by, bringing with it the first cold omen of bitter winter. It seemed as if the city were summoning with all its ancient, hoping to end the already frosty fall with a layer of freshly fallen snow.
While politicians lie to cover up secrets, and teenagers pull triggers simply to be heard,
While mothers cry for their unborn children, and cancer patients give up hope of ever being cured
While everything ceases to make sense, and we turn on the television to find murder on every channel,
While each circumstance becomes worse than the first, and all that burns within our souls is a flickering candle,
While babies are murdered and trees are saved, and terrorists burn and kill in cold blood,
While streets are paved for the famous, and the poor live on streets in shacks made of mud,
While fathers sell their daughters for profit, and drugs destroy millions of innocent lives,
While many cry out "Stop it!" yet do nothing, and petty arguments ruin what were once strong ties,
While the homeless spend their days struggling, and the rich in homes of expensive stone,
While the lost never stop running, and banks are forced to give out impossible loans,
While girls starve themselves to death to impress, and animals lie hungry and abused,
While the world curses God yet suffers nonetheless, and those with answers lie in silence, uncaring and amused,
While trusted adults pillage and assault, and the lonely torture themselves without interruption, and all the world falls in confusion for the next occult,
What are you doing to stop this corruption?